Wats on my mind 2day...
Up early morning about 2 braid T's hair....gotta bday party 2 go 2 hope I make it...i'm real bad @ actually leaving the house unless I have 2...My homie Ky's party is 2nite...I wanna make it....I would feel real bad if I don't....urghhhh
But n e whoooo this week has been a test of my maturity & patience....the kids have been pushing my buttons...my daughter the silent killer is always making amess that gets aggrevating after a while & she's spoiled sho she does this whining crying thing until she gets her way....my son the terror has had some type of demon on him this week...he broke my 1st phone...2nd phone needs 2 b handled like a baby he almost broke that 1 2...urghhhh he broke the fan...flushed a toy down the toilet almost had the toilet outta commission...where would I have used the bathroom in his potty...lol he thought it was all good 2 he came in the kitchen "mommy I flushed the baby down the toilet" "WHAT?!?! no u didnt...please tell me u didnt" umm he did... I almost laid hands on that boy...serious hands...so 2 spare a case on ACS files I threatened him he can't c GI Joe this weekend he's been on his p's & q's since then...kids their bad but u gotta love them
My biggest test the week was w/this chick I've been arguing w/4 months now...over dumb shit...never knew of her until....not even gonna get into that 1 but... when I was arguing w/shorty back & forth I had 2 ask myself y was I stooping to that level of a lil kid i'm bigger than that...but i'm slightly ignorant so I won't always leave things alone...n e way...my homegirl hit her up idk y til this day either but it was good that she did cuz I broke the barrior 2 speak 2 shorty & me & shorty cleared everything up...which should've & could've been done earlier...clearing that & getting a lil more info on the situation & expressing my self 2 both parties that were involved...im more willing to forgive...I WILL NEVER 4GET...but its a chip off my shoulder that im happy is gone...so even tho I've had some real bad moments this week I came out of it happy....I wasn't defeated...YESSSS... Movies sunday w/the family...can't front I love family day
Until my fingers & keyboard meet again*MUWAH*
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
FEEL LIKE YELLING
Whats in my head today well there are lots
These pass couple of days I've just felt like yelling. Things are way off track from wat i planned of my life. Sometimes I hate being an adult wish I had a 2nd chance @ starting over to making me better prepared. There's so much responsibilities that comes with being an adult. Ive done pretty good since I've fully entered it, taking care of bills, me & my kids. I know once I've completed my goal of becoming a RN things will get a whole lot better. I will be able to provide 4 my kids the way I really want & not the BS I'm giving them now... I cant blame any1 but me for how my days are now...I should've taken a lot more opportunities that I had when I was 18 a lot more seriously & I would've been way better off then I am now, but I wont cry over spilled milk...I've learned & I'm still learning from my mistakes and I WONT make n e of the same mistakes @ all. My mistakes have made me into a stronger woman,person,mother,daughter,friend,sister,student & lover.
Another thing that's a major problem 2 me which shouldn't be is relationships. Relationships when I was younger was easier to let go and not give a f**K when a dude messed up or pissed me off he got kicked to the curb. Love didn't come easy 4 me, took me years to actually give a dude my full out all. When I did he didn't appreciate it so I still have some of my younger mentality towards my relationship...give a fuck 2 a certain extent. My love when I give it I Love hard & when u lose it its hard 4 me 2 make things the way they were so now I would say I'm bailing when things are rough but it ain't that easy as when I was younger. I think its cuz I don't want the bs from a next man, it wont be easy 4 me get a real serious loving relationship w/2 kids..Some dudes just ain't mature, y leave my man 4 some1elses man? & through it all I really love this man. Easier to say I'm leaving than to actually leave. I kno when in a relationship u aren't suppose to question y am i still here...but the relationship that I have is very very complicated....I have to ask myself and weigh out the pros & cons of the relationship...ugggg relationships arent suppose to be this complicated. If I fully forgive then maybe I'll be able to give myself more to making it work....but thats a lot of forgiving to do....its gonna take time...if he was more understanding to when I say u f**ked up major im still around....2morrow can only get better...yes im not happy all the time in the relationship but he doesnt always make any situation better...sometimes I feel like im in a relationship w/myself & the lack of trust doesnt help...I have a reason 2 & he doesnt but he watches me & 2nd guesses me more now then ever...ugggg he's a little different from b4 I give him that but not to the point where we are GREAT...uggggg enough cuz im only gonna get aggrevated all over
This year has been 1 of the worst of my life. I keep looking for better days, I keep hoping and praying for better days. Some days aren't as bad, but these aren't days that I'm used to. I am happy for each day I get, each day my kids get, each day all the people I truly love get & health cuz not everyone can say that. So tho life isnt wat I want rite now, Imma make it wat I want thro hard work, dedication & determination...
until my fingers & keyboards meet again
*MUWAH*
These pass couple of days I've just felt like yelling. Things are way off track from wat i planned of my life. Sometimes I hate being an adult wish I had a 2nd chance @ starting over to making me better prepared. There's so much responsibilities that comes with being an adult. Ive done pretty good since I've fully entered it, taking care of bills, me & my kids. I know once I've completed my goal of becoming a RN things will get a whole lot better. I will be able to provide 4 my kids the way I really want & not the BS I'm giving them now... I cant blame any1 but me for how my days are now...I should've taken a lot more opportunities that I had when I was 18 a lot more seriously & I would've been way better off then I am now, but I wont cry over spilled milk...I've learned & I'm still learning from my mistakes and I WONT make n e of the same mistakes @ all. My mistakes have made me into a stronger woman,person,mother,daughter,friend,sister,student & lover.
Another thing that's a major problem 2 me which shouldn't be is relationships. Relationships when I was younger was easier to let go and not give a f**K when a dude messed up or pissed me off he got kicked to the curb. Love didn't come easy 4 me, took me years to actually give a dude my full out all. When I did he didn't appreciate it so I still have some of my younger mentality towards my relationship...give a fuck 2 a certain extent. My love when I give it I Love hard & when u lose it its hard 4 me 2 make things the way they were so now I would say I'm bailing when things are rough but it ain't that easy as when I was younger. I think its cuz I don't want the bs from a next man, it wont be easy 4 me get a real serious loving relationship w/2 kids..Some dudes just ain't mature, y leave my man 4 some1elses man? & through it all I really love this man. Easier to say I'm leaving than to actually leave. I kno when in a relationship u aren't suppose to question y am i still here...but the relationship that I have is very very complicated....I have to ask myself and weigh out the pros & cons of the relationship...ugggg relationships arent suppose to be this complicated. If I fully forgive then maybe I'll be able to give myself more to making it work....but thats a lot of forgiving to do....its gonna take time...if he was more understanding to when I say u f**ked up major im still around....2morrow can only get better...yes im not happy all the time in the relationship but he doesnt always make any situation better...sometimes I feel like im in a relationship w/myself & the lack of trust doesnt help...I have a reason 2 & he doesnt but he watches me & 2nd guesses me more now then ever...ugggg he's a little different from b4 I give him that but not to the point where we are GREAT...uggggg enough cuz im only gonna get aggrevated all over
This year has been 1 of the worst of my life. I keep looking for better days, I keep hoping and praying for better days. Some days aren't as bad, but these aren't days that I'm used to. I am happy for each day I get, each day my kids get, each day all the people I truly love get & health cuz not everyone can say that. So tho life isnt wat I want rite now, Imma make it wat I want thro hard work, dedication & determination...
until my fingers & keyboards meet again
*MUWAH*
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